The Hardest Word to Say
by PotatoCakes
Summary: Paige is facing something big and it's not magical. Will her sisters be able to help her?
1. Introduction

A/N: Paige grew up with her sisters. She's about 21 in this fic. Phoebe is 26, Piper is 28, and Prue (though dead) is 30. Obviously I messed around with their ages. By the way, I don't own the characters (duh!) I just wrote the story. 

Reviews rock!

Paige's 

I'm standing in front of the mirror in my room again. I still don't like what I see everyday. I feel fat, like a swollen balloon. I know people must stare at me because of my weight. I'm ugly and I'm fat and I'm twenty thousand sizes too big. I hate getting dressed every day. Getting dressed makes me feel the worst. My clothes stick to me in all the wrong places and they're tight where they shouldn't be. I hate tight clothes. I'm scared of waking up one morning and having my pants feel tight again. I know that feeling and I hate it. I hate _this. _I hate myself.

I wish I were Phoebe. Phoebe is so beautiful and perfect. She can wake up and throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and all the men on the street will stop and stare at her. She's so confident. She doesn't know she has the entire world in the palm of her hand.

And Piper. Piper is so lucky, too. She's so pretty and she has a gorgeous husband. Leo loves her just the way she is. I want that.

Oh, and Prue. Before she died she was amazing. She's probably still amazing 'up there.' She was breathtakingly beautiful. Her hair was so soft and dark and her eyes and icy blue. People tell me I look like her but I don't see it. Even more than I envy her good looks, I envy the qualities and personality that made her who she was. She was so responsible and caring. She was like the mother I never had. She was always there for me, though sometimes she was a little bit overprotective. But I loved that part of her, too. When she died she took a part of me with her. She knew my deepest secrets. She would be the one to rescue me now.

I love my sisters so much, I really do. It hurts that they don't notice that I'm falling apart. I miss being with them. They're always so busy now. I talk to myself all them and I pretend it's one of my sisters that I'm really talking to. It seems the only time I get to talk to them is when it's about magic. Well, Piper, Phoebe, my magic is growing. Look, just watch me do a disappearing act.

Phoebe 

I hugged my sister goodnight last night and I felt her bones. They poked me, taunted me. They made me remember how helpless I am in this. She's withering away to nothing. And she's doing it to herself. I know what's wrong with her, but I don't know how to help. Please, Paige, tell me how to help you.

Piper 

Oh, Paige, my missy Paige. What can I do with you? I make your favorite foods and you thank me, like always. But then you walk away. You're not eating anymore. Paigie, don't do this to yourself, to us. You're so beautiful. If only you could see it.

Prue 

I watch over all of my little sisters sometimes, just to make sure they're okay. But Paige is different than Piper and Phoebe. We have a special bond. She is the youngest and I am the oldest. She's my baby. I will always need to protect my baby. When she was little I would keep Piper and Phoebe from picking on her. As she grew up and started middle school I made sure all her classmates knew she was the kid sister of the head cheerleader. Once they knew they would leave her alone for the most part. And when she started high school, you better bet I waited up for her every night and made sure she didn't get in with the bad crowd. By the time she started college, we were charmed. I was the one standing in front of her during every battle making sure she stayed safe. Only once before was there a time when I couldn't protect her. That was when I died. I couldn't keep her from feeling the pain. Now I can't protect her either. Because I can't protect her from herself.

Paige 

I see the way they look at me. They're noticing now, I can tell. Part of me is terrified when I think of them knowing. But sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I see myself through the eyes of my family for a few seconds. That's when I'm most scared because I know I can't stop. I will never be able to stop. So I bury my head and scream until my throat is hoarse and painful. I scream so loud but know one hears me. I scream the same words over and over again. My name is Paige. I am anorexic. Why can't you hear me?


	2. Making Breakfast

Piper

I walked into the kitchen and saw Paige. She was leaning on the counter, gazing dazedly out the window. "Hey, honey," I say as I open the fridge. She turns around slowly, her deep brown eyes meeting mine. "Want to help me cook breakfast?" Please say yes, please say yes. She pauses to think for a few seconds and then nods carefully. Paige has never liked being alone for too long. Twenty-one years as her big sister has proven that.

Paige

She wants me to help her cook breakfast. I know that if I cook it I'll want to eat it, too. I should say no, but I miss being around my sister way too much. I agree. Piper hands me some milk and eggs. I watch her walk around to the cabinet and pull out a box of flour. Pancakes? Is she making pancakes? I love pancakes. I haven't eaten them in forever. Maybe, just for today I'll eat. Just to make Piper and Phoebe happy. Only a pancake. But I want so much more. "What are we having with the pancakes?" I hear myself ask. Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?

Piper

"What are we having with the pancakes?" I almost drop the box of flour in shock. Did I hear her right?

"What do you want?" I ask her, a smile breaking across my face.

"Yogurt!" she says excitedly.

"Yogurt? What kind?" I have my old Paige back again.

"Strawberry!" Then her face sinks again. She won't eat the yogurt or the pancakes; we both know that.

"It's okay, baby, we'll work on it," I say, more to reassure myself than Paige. She gives me a look. I guess I can't help her until she's ready. When she's ready she'll ask me. Me or Phoebe. The second she says the word we'll be there.


	3. Chapter 3

Laurie Lu and Nikki14u: people with eating disorders aren't usually turned off by food. In fact, they tend to obsess over it.

Everyone else: thanks for reviewing!

Piper

I set a plate of pancakes down in front of Paige. She stares at it like it's her worst enemy. Maybe it is. I look over at Phoebe to see if she is watching Paige too. She is. As I set a plate down in front of her she looks up at me with a faint smile of thanks. I nod in return. Paige is still staring. "Paige, honey, aren't you hungry?" Phoebe asks. Bad idea. Very bad idea.

Paige slams her fist down on the table and stands up furiously. "Can't you guys just leave me alone?" she runs, sobbing, out of the kitchen. Phoebe and I listen in silence as Paige runs up the stairs and slams a door.

Phoebe looks at me apologetically. "I'm sorry, I didn't think-"

"It's okay, Phoebe," I reassured her. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Didn't I? Paige wouldn't run off crying for no reason!"

"The reason Paige is crying has nothing to do with either of us, you know that. This is something inside of her and until she makes the decision to talk to us, it is something she has to deal with alone."

"How can you say that? Don't you want to help her?"

"Of course I want to, honey. I want to help her more than I want anything else in the world. But we can't help her, not until she asks for it."

"But you know she'll never ask for help. It's the hardest word to say."

"She will. When she's ready."

"What if it's too late?"

I hug my sister gently and say softly. "It won't be. We'll take care of her, I promise."

"We have to. She's my only baby sister."

"I know, I don't want to lose her either."

"I think we already have."

Phoebe's words stung me like a slap across the face. She was right. We had lost Paige. Physically, she was still there, but she wasn't the same. Our old Paige, our goofy, sweet little sister was gone. Replacing her was a sad empty soul. Seeing her this way is breaking my heart, and Phoebe's, too.

Can you feel it crush you

Does it seem to bring the worst in you out

Theres no running away from

These things that hold you down

Do they complicate you

Because they make you feel like this

Of all the colors that you shine

This is surely not your best

But you should know these

Colors that your shinin'

Are surely not the best

Colors that you shine

Surely not the best

Colors that you shine

I know you feel alone, yea

No one else can figure you out

But don't you ever turn away from

The ones that help you down

They love to save you

Don't you know they would love to see you smile

But these colors that you shine

Are surely not your style

But you should know these

Colors that your shinin'

Are surely not the best

Colors that you shine

Surely not the best

Colors that you shine

I know your feeling like your lost

But you should know these colors that you're shinin' are

I know your feeling like your lost

You feel you've drifted way too far

Did you know these colors that you're shinin' are

Surely not the best

Colors that you shine

Surely not the best

Colors that you shine

Surely not the best (I know your feeling like your lost)

Colors that you shine (But you should know these colors that you're shinin' are)

Surely not the best (I know your feeling like your lost)

You feel you drifted way too far

Did you know these colors that you're shinin' are

Paige

When Phoebe asked me if I was hungry, I ran up the stairs into the bathroom and slammed the door. Now I am sitting on the cool bathroom floor, leaning against the wall. I'm hurting Piper and Phoebe and I feel so guilty. But they have to realize that this is mine. Unlike magic, college, and even this bathroom, this is the one thing I alone can own.

I pinch my stomach to see how much fat is left. Too much. Why won't it just fucking disappear? I am making myself sick with guilt. It sits in the pit of my stomach, weighing me down. I haven't eaten today and I still feel guilty. Guilty for the twenty years of eating before this.

I push myself up from the floor. I know what I am about to do would kill Piper and Phoebe, and Prue, too, if she wasn't already dead.

I slowly open the drawer, pulling out the bag containing my extensive collection of lip gloss. I dump it out on the countertop. A rainbow of red and pink tubes fall out, hitting the counter with a thud and rolling away. Pushing aside the Summer Rose, Bodacious Berry, and Heavenly Pink, I find what I was looking for. I pick it up, bending the cool metal back and forth between my fingers.

I stop, pressing the edge of the blade against my skin. Dragging it across my wrist, I watch as red bubbles of blood spring out of my fresh cut. I feel the razor blade tearing through layers of my skin. It feels strangely good. Over and over again I cut until dozens of crimson stripes decorate my arm, contrasting with my pale akin. I relax my arm, angling it towards the ground. Fascinated, I watch as the blood slowly runs down my arm, dripping from my fingertips onto the floor. I sink to the floor sobbing. I am sick. I am crazy.

A/N: Okay, so I have several chapters already written I just need to type them up and update. What do you think of my randomly placed song (Colors by Crossfade, incidentally). I thought of it and figured it could be related to what Paige is going through. If you guys think it works maybe I'll put some more in in the future. Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Prue

I don't usually watch my sisters when they're in the bathroom. I'm no voyeur. But because of what Paige is going through, what she did to herself, I think that this time it is okay, even necessary for me to watch. And I am right. There is my baby sister, standing with a razor blade pressed against her forearm. I try to close my eyes, but I can't. My eyes are fixated as I watch my sister bleed at her own hands. I wish I could go to her, stop her, let her know I cared about her and she could talk to me. But I can't. I'm dead and she's not. At least not yet. That is my worst fear; that soon she will be up here with me. As much as I want to see her, I want more for her to live a long, full, happy life. But sadly that decision is not in my hands. Even if it would have betrayed Paige, I should have told Piper and Phoebe. If I had, there would have been someone to help her now. I should go to the Elders and ask them to let me go to her. She is bleeding so much now; the blood is dripping onto the floor. Be careful, Paige. Oh my god! Oh my god! She fell! I'm going to see the Elders. I don't care what the hell they say. I'm going to see my sister.

I run into the Elders' chamber, not even pausing to put on a white robe. I am expecting to have to argue my point. But instead a female voice says, "Go to your sisters, Prudence. We will make the necessary accommodations."

I begin to leave but then pause and turn around. "How long?" I asked.

"We'll see." I nodded and ran out so I could quickly orb to my sister. It was considered rude to orb in front of the Elders and at this point I held no desire to piss them off.

I've never had the chance to orb down to earth before. I don't think it will be much harder than orbing around up here. I take a deep breath and concentrate on the upstairs bathroom of the manor. I feel a tingling feeling and then I disappear. When I reappear, I am no longer in heaven.

"Paige," I gasp, seeing the sobbing wreck that used to be my energetic little sister. She is curled up in a ball on the floor, sobbing her heart out. I lift her fragile frame off the floor and wrap my arms around her. She is still clutching the razor blade in her right hand. I gently uncurl her fingers and take it from her, placing it far behind me. She tries to pull away, to grab it back. "Don't," I whisper. "You've done this for far too long."

"Prue," she whimpers, just now realizing it's me.

"Yes, honey, I'm here."

She buries her head in my shoulder and sobs harder. "I'm scared, Prue," she cries.

"I know, baby, I am, too."

Suddenly, there is a banging on the door. "Paige, are you okay in there, honey?" I can hear the concern in Piper's voice. I look to Paige for permission. She nods slowly. Using my telekinesis, I unlock the door. It swings open to reveal both Piper and Phoebe standing there. "Prue," Piper gasps, but the first thing Phoebe sees is the blood. She doesn't say anything, but reaches for a pink washcloth and kneels down beside Paige. She presses it against Paige's arm, trying to control the bleeding. I stand up to give Phoebe more room to nurse Paige.

Leading Piper downstairs to the kitchen, I sit at the table. Piper pulls out two mugs and pours us each a cup of coffee. "You're back," she states. I nod. "For Paige?" I nod again. She sits down next to me with a sigh. "I'm so sorry, Prue. I tried to-"

"I know, it's not your fault. Together we can fix this."

Piper rests her elbow on the table and takes a sip of coffee. "Did you know? She asks me. "That she's a cutter, I mean."

"Yes. I thought she had stopped. I guess I was wrong."

"How long has she-you know?"

"Hurt herself? Since she was thirteen. Maybe longer."

"Thirteen?" Piper gasped.

I nod. "After Grams got sick I caught her. I went in to her and Phoebe's room to put away their laundry, and there she was, sitting on her bed bleeding."

"You didn't tell us." It wasn't a question.

"We made a deal. She didn't cut, I didn't tell. I thought it worked. I guess I was wrong."

Phoebe

There is blood all over her arm and hand, her clothes, the bathroom floor, and now the washcloth. "Hold that on your arm, Paigie," I tell her. "I'm going to get you a band-aid, okay, honey?" She doesn't respond so I guess it's okay. How am I so fucking calm? My baby sister would rather hurt herself than talk to me. My eyes fill with tears. Am I that bad of a sister?

"I'm sorry." I look at her. Is she really sorry or is she just saying that?

I look into the big brown eyes that mirror Piper's and mine. I could always tell how she felt by gazing into them. Now was no different. "I love you, Paige," I say, reaching out and hugging her. "No matter what. Do you understand that? You will always have me."

She nods and leans further into my hug. "I've missed you," Paige says.

"Missed me? But I'm here."

"No you're not. You're always out." She's crying again. "Working or with some guy."

She's right. I'm not home much anymore. I forget that she's still just a kid because I'm not anymore. With Piper married and Prue dead, I should be the one who is here for her. Now I am guilty of forgetting my own little sister. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. I didn't realize how you felt. From now on, I will always be here for you. I don't care if I'm out with Brad Pitt, you need me you call me, okay?"

"Promise?"

"Promise. Now let's get you cleaned up." I return to the counter, this time actually opening up the first aid kit. I bring a huge gauze pad and some tape back to my sister. "Here, give me your arm." I have Paige hold the gauze pad down while I tape it. After it's bandaged I say, "Why don't you get some rest? Go change into your pajamas and I'll be right in."

"Will you cuddle with me?" I smile and nod. Now this is my baby sister. She stands up, wavering a little bit. With my left arm, I reach out and grab her arm to steady her. She slowly walks away. I dampen a new washcloth and mop up the floor. Then I toss both washcloths in the sink to soak so they don't stain the way my sister's soul has.

Paige

I pull on a tank top just as Phoebe comes in. She sits cross-legged on my bed waiting for me to finish changing. I grab my silky Betty Boop pajama pants and slip them on. Like most of my newer clothes, they have a drawstring so they stay up no matter how much weight I lose. I shut my closet door and turn to look at my sister.

Phoebe holds her arms out to me and seconds later I am in them. She pulls me into her lap like she used to do at school assemblies when I was in kindergarten. I like being in my sister's lap again. It makes me feel safe.

Piper

I can't believe what Prue has just told me. Paige has been doing this for almost eight years! And Prue knew it. She fucking knew it! If she had told us, we might have been able to take better care of Paige. She could have stopped Paige at least. "Prue, why didn't you stop her?" I ask desperately.

"I already told you. I thought I did." Prue stands up and walks toward the window where Paige had stood just that morning.

"Well, obviously you didn't."

Furiously, Prue spun around and faced me. "Don't you dare tell me what I did or didn't do! I mean, for god's sake, Piper, do you think I wanted my baby sister to hurt herself?" I saw tears form in Prue's eyes. "I love her just as much as you do."

"But not enough to make her stop." When did I become such a bitch? I clap my hand over my mouth. "Oh my god, Prue, I'm so sorry!"

Prue shook her head. "I know you're just hurting." She begins to leave the room but then turns around. "And just so you know, Piper, I did try and she did stop for a while. I know because everyday I was alive I checked her wrists. I didn't forget once. And I actually acknowledged her existence."

Now that was a low blow. "I acknowledged her."

That's bull, Piper, and you know it. Maybe you said 'hey, how ya doing' to her but you didn't once stop to hear her answer. You were too busy."

"Busy? How was I busy?"

"School, work…partying," Prue spat out.

"I was not the partier in high school. Phoebe was! I was such a loser I didn't know what a keg was."

"No, but the moment you hit college you did."

"Because I could change and be something new."

"A drunk?"

"I was not a drunk."

"Piper, you came home drunk five nights out of seven. Don't tell you weren't a drunk."

"What does this have to do with Paige's eating disorder?"

"Grams was starting to get sick and Phoebe and I were so busy between you and Grams that nobody paid any attention to Paige. She was a good kid and we figured we didn't have to worry about her. We were too busy being worried about you."

"This is not my fault, Prue," I growled.

"No, it's not. But now you know how I felt when you told me I didn't do anything to help her." She sighs. "Let's not fight, okay, Pipe? We've got other things we should be doing."

"That's the past and Paige is the present," I agreed.

"Let's just make sure she's the future,too."


	5. Chapter 5

Piper

Prue put her hand on my shoulder and together we walked up the stairs. The bathroom was all cleaned up so we checked Paige's room. There they were, both of our little sisters, asleep in Paige's bed. Phoebe's arms encompassed Paige's now thin, bony body, their chests rising and falling in unison as they slept. "They look cute," Prue whispers.

"Almost normal," I agree. "Like they used to." A few seconds of silences passed before I asked, "What happened, Prue? Everything used to be okay."

"I know. It will be again."

Phoebe began to stir as she heard our voices. Prue and I stood in silence, hoping she would not awaken. No such luck. Phoebe opened her eyes slowly and saw Prue and I watching her. "Hey," Prue whispered.

"Hi," Phoebe replied softly.

"How is she?" I asked, my voice full of concern.

"I don't know how much longer she can stay like this. I'm afraid she's going to die and I don't want her to die now and definitely not like this. I love her too much."

"We need to tell her that. We need to tell her how much we love her," Prue said.

"How will that help?" I asked.

Prue turned to look at me. "An eating disorder isn't about food or weight. It's about feelings. And we're going to make her feel safe and loved."

"Okay, Dr. Phil," Phoebe said.

"Hush, Phoebe. Why don't you go downstairs? Piper made fresh coffee."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Some on down with me, Pheebs. Prue will stay with Paige." I could tell Prue wanted to talk to Paige and it was best for her to approach her solo. Phoebe slid her arm out from under Paige and climbed out of the bed. She left the room, leaving me to follow behind her. God, I hope Prue knows what she is doing.

Prue

I sent Piper and Phoebe downstairs to get some coffee. This should give me some time alone with Paige. Tucking her in again gently, I sit down on the bed next to her. Part of me wants to wake her up and talk to her, but another part of me wants to let her sleep and talk to her when she wakes up on her own. I know she hasn't gotten much sleep lately. Maybe I'll take this opportunity to get to know my baby sister a little bit better.

I stood up and slowly turned around, observing my sister's room. It is filled with organized clutter. Her art supplies sit by the window as always, and there is a picture of us all with Mom at the hospital. It's our first picture together. Mom is holding newborn Paige in her arms and Piper, Phoebe, and I are standing there grinning and gazing at the new baby. I've always loved that picture. I kept a copy on the bedside table in my room, too. I reached for a small bright blue cloth box. It jingled loudly. Ah, the medicine balls Paige bought in Chinatown. I'd forgotten about them.

I heard a yawn behind me and turned around. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"I would have woken up eventually," Paige replied.

"Maybe not," I muttered.

"What did you say? I didn't hear you."

"Never mind." I set the box back down on the table. "You ready to talk, honey?" Paige pulled her knees up to her chest and looked away from me. I took that as a no. Sitting next to her, I wrapped my arm around her back. "We just want to help you Paige. Please let us help you."

"Why?" she asked me, her eyes filled with tears. Why? How can she ask me why?

"Because we love you, Paige." We love you so much." Paige buried her head in her knees. I sighed. "Come find me when you're ready to talk." I felt a hand grab mine as I turned to leave.

"Please don't leave me," Paige whispered. "I'll…I'll talk if that's what you want."

"Should I get Piper and Phoebe?"

Paige nodded slowly. "I don't want to have to do this twice."


	6. Chapter 6

1Paige

I followed Prue with my eyes as she left the room. My face dropped back into my knees as her footsteps faded down the hallway. This was going to be hard. What could I possibly say to my sisters to make them understand? I didn't even understand myself.

I crawled out of bed, my feet hitting the floor with a vague thud. The mirror was calling to me again. I padded over to it as softly as possible, tugging up my pajama bottoms as I went. What did the mirror have for me today? I glared at my reflection. Nothing I wanted to see. I prodded my sides and poked my hips, criticizing my love handles. "Fat," I muttered to myself. "Fat, fat, fat." I turned around slowly in a circle, looking at myself from every angle. "Fat," I repeated. "Damn it. Damn it, stupid fat." I spun further, trying to see if I could see my ribs yet.

I suddenly lost my balance as I caught sight of someone standing in my doorway. Leaning against the door frame was Phoebe, arms crossed, eyes watching me carefully. "What?" I asked her angrily, trying to regain my balance.

Phoebe straightened herself out. "Nothing, Paige. I mean…you're just beautiful, that's all."

I snorted. "Whatever." I walked back over to my bed and sat, curling myself back into my protected position. Phoebe followed me.

"I'm serious," Phoebe said. "I've been jealous of you since were kids. You're gorgeous. The guys always loved you."

"All the wrong ones," I whispered.

Phoebe

"Look at me, sweetie," I said to Paige. "Look at me." Her eyes averted mine. I took her cheeks between my hands, guiding her eyes until they met mine. "This was never your fault, Paige. You didn't ask for what he did to you." She tried to pull away, her cheeks slipping from my grasp. I pulled her face back towards mine.

"Please, Phoebe," she whispered. "Let me go." I felt warm, salty tears drip onto my hand, and gently brushed them away, releasing her.

I heard footsteps coming up behind us. I turned to see Piper and Prue entering the room. "What's going on?" Piper asked.

"We're just talking," I replied, watching Paige carefully.

"About what?" Prue asked, sitting on the bed next to Paige.

I looked at Paige to for her approval. She nodded slowly. "Victor," I said.

"Honey," Prue said to Paige, "Oh, honey. Not that again." Prue tucked a strand of Paige's dark hair behind her ear. "It was his choice, not yours. You were just a kid. Don't blame this on yourself."

"I can't help it," Paige cried. "He was my daddy. I loved him. He was supposed to take care of me."

"He loved you, too. He just didn't know how to show it," I told her.

Paige shook her head. "No. He loved you guys. He wouldn't have done this to one of you. I wasn't even his real kid."

"Maybe not biologically," Piper said. "But he loved you in his heart…no matter what he did."

"Piper," I hissed. I knew Piper was only trying to help, but saying that was not going to help. "What Piper is trying to say is…"

Prue stepped in. "What Victor did was wrong. It was horrible and disgusting. And no man should ever do that to a little girl. Especially not his own."

Paige let out a muffled sob. "I don't think I can do this."

"You know, we've never really talked about this, Paige," I said. "I don't want to push you, but it might be good."

"What is there to talk about?" Paige asked. "My father sexually abused and raped me as a child."


	7. Chapter 7

Paige

There. I'd said it. From the time I was six-years-old until the time I left for college, my father had sexually abused me. And I had finally come out and admitted it.

Phoebe wrapped her arms around me. "Now doesn't that feel better, honey?"

Just barely. I nodded slightly. I was a people pleaser. "I-I think I needed to say it out loud. To hear it."

"So did we, Paige," Prue said. "Now no one can deny it happened."

"Except Dad," I muttered.

"Victor will always deny it," Piper said. "You have to move on."

I stood up swiftly, throwing Phoebe's arms off of me. "I can't!" I screamed with fury. Stamping out of my room, I slammed the door behind myself, leaving my sisters reeling in shock.

Prue

I rounded on Piper, unable to keep the pure anger from rising in my voice. "How could you say that to her? She should never have to hear that, especially not from one of us! Not from her sisters!"

"Prue," Phoebe shushed me.

"Be quiet, Phoebe," I yelled. I turned back to Piper. "Have you ever had to deal with something like that? Did Dad ever touch you?"

"No," Piper admitted, looking at her feet.

"Then don't ever, ever let me hear you say something like that to her again. If I do, I swear to God, Piper…."

"I didn't mean it like that, Prue. I really didn't. I don't even know why I said it."

"I don't care why the hell you said what you did, Piper, all I know is that that kid is hurting and for one second something one of us did made it worse. And we can't risk that. She's too fragile right now. She needs us on her side right now. We weren't there when she needed us before so we sure as hell better be now.

Phoebe

"Is that what this is about, Prue? That we didn't know? We didn't stop Victor from hurting her?" I asled her, suddenly realizing where all this anger was coming from.

"We should have," Prue whispered, falling onto the bed.

"We couldn't have," Piper said. "We never knew."

"We should have," Prue repeated.

"There was no way we could have known," I told her, sliding over so that I could hold her. "She never said a word."

"She's our baby sister. We should have been able to tell something was wrong."

"We were kids, too," Piper said. "What could we have done even if we know?"

"I don't know, but we could have done something! We could have told Grams. Or a teacher or guidance counselor or something. All I know is we should have done something."

"You know that we would have done everything we could have, if we had just known, Prue. But we didn't. We didn't know."

"Piper's right, honey," I tried to reassure Prue. "Could haves, should haves, and would haves won't help us now. It's the past. We need to let go of it."

"I can't," Prue gritted through her teeth. "I was sixteen. We learned about this crap in school. And I should have seen the signs. I should have seen the signs in my own little sister."

"You didn't want to. None of us did. I don't think Paige even knew it was wrong….how could she? Kids trust their parents….that's all they know."

"But why? Why would he do that to her?" Prue asked, her eyes focusing on my own.

"I don't know, Prue. God, I wish I knew how a man could do that to his own daughter."

"He's scum," Prue muttered, her eyes filling with tears. "He's scum. He shouldn't even be allowed to walk the earth." She was crying. I don't think I'd seen Prue cry, even when Grams died. I'm not sure I even know Prue could cry.

"I know, honey," I soothed her. "I know."

She buried her head in my shoulder."She didn't deserve it."

"No one does."

Piper cleared her throat, almost as if she was just trying to remind us that she was still there. "I think we need to take care of Paige."

"Yeah," Prue agreed, sitting up and wiping her eyes. "Yeah, I think she needs us right now."

"Will you be okay?" I asked my oldest sister carefully.

"Who me? Of course. Yeah, I'm fine now," she said, more to reassure herself than me.


	8. Chapter 8

Piper

I walked into the kitchen where Paige stood, staring blankly at the fridge. Irony at its best. "Paige," I said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"I know," she whispered in reply.

"I just don't know how to help you and that scares me."

"It kind of scares of me, too," she admitted, turning to face me.

"And we want to help you, you know that right?"

"I know."

"Just come talk to me when you're ready. Any of us. Prue and Phoebe and I are always here. We love you."

Paige

I was always a sucker for that word. Love. I want to call out her name and tell her to come back and help me. But I'm not sure I'm ready yet. I'm not sure I will ever be ready.

The idea of recovering is so scary and seems so impossible. If I recover, what will I have left of my own? If I recover, what will protect me from other men like Dad?


	9. Chapter 9

Piper

I told her to come to us whenever she wanted. I know she knows that she can, but I wanted to be sure she heard the words out loud. Sometimes repetition means everything.

I am holding at hope that Paige will come to one of us sooner rather than later. She needs help now, because at this rate, pretty soon there won't be any Paige left to help.

Phoebe

I was sitting in Paige's room on her bed, pretending to read a book, but mostly just watching Paige sleep. A slight movement caught my eye and I looked up from the pages of my book to where Paige was sleeping. Oh my god! She was twitching like crazy! I throw my book to the ground and sprang into action, pushing away the bedside table and making sure there was nothing Paige could hurt herself on. Then I did the only thing I knew to do. I shouted for Prue.

Prue

I was sitting on the couch trying to concentrate on some MTV show when I heard Phoebe screaming for me. I quickly hit the remote's power button and dashed up the stairs. The tone of her voice was one I rarely heard. It was filled with a blend of terror and concern, and I hadn't heard it since Piper had nearly died in a demon attack. Something must have happened to Paige.


	10. Chapter 10

Prue

Prue

I wasted no time in rushing to Phoebe's side, and I could hear Piper's rapid steps not far behind me. Catching sight of Paige I dropped the remote that I had been clenching until that very second and ran over to kneel at the edge of the bed. "Call 911!" I ordered Phoebe. "Phoebe!" I shouted, seeing she had not moved. She dashed out into the hall towards the phone in her bedroom.

Piper, who had just reached the doorway, gave an audible gasp. "Prue? Should I call Leo?"

"No, I don't think this is something Leo can fix. We need human doctors."

Phoebe ran back into the room, trying to catch her breath. "An ambulance is on the way!" she announced.

By this time, Paige had stopped seizing and was lying on her bed limp and unconscious. Her pulse, though faint, was steady. I brushed her hair off of her pale face and sighed. My baby sister was going to kill herself if she continued to live like this. "Pheebs, go wait downstairs for the paramedics," I said softly.

As soon as Phoebe left the room, Piper spoke. "Prue, are you—"

"Not now, Piper. I can't stop and think right now. I just need to concentrate on Paige."

Piper nodded. "Okay."

Phoebe

As soon as the ambulance pulled up I dropped the curtains and ran to the front door, pulling it open and waiting for the paramedics. Two uniformed men carrying a stretcher between them stepped into the foyer. "She's upstairs." I ushered them towards the living room, following two steps behind them. "End of the hall."

When the three of us reached Paige's room, it was unbelievably quiet. "What happened?" asked the taller, darker haired paramedic.

"I think she had a seizure," Prue replied.

"Did anything trigger it? Did she hit her head?" he asked as he carefully loaded Paige onto the stretcher.

"I don't know, I wasn't in here when it started. Phoebe was." Prue gestured towards me and everyone's heads turned in my direction.

I shook my head. "No. Nothing happened. One second she was sleeping peacefully, and the next…"

The Paramedic nodded. "We'll get her to the hospital and get her taken care of. We have room for one passenger to ride in the back with her."

"You go," Piper said to Prue. "We'll drive and meet you there."

Prue didn't question her, she just followed the paramedics downstairs, outside and into the back of the ambulance.


	11. Chapter 11

Prue

A/N: Just a brief update for you guys……more should be coming soon!

Prue

I tried to block out all the beeping noises in the ambulance and concentrated on just holding Paige's cold, pale hand and trying to comfort her, even if she was unconscious. I don't know, maybe it was just as much to comfort myself. All I really remember is getting to the hospital and watching the paramedics wheel her stretcher in to the emergency room. Then they were shouting some medical jargon to the doctors, and the only word I could really understand was "stable," and to be honest, that was the only word that really mattered to me at the moment. The stretcher disappeared into a medical personnel only area and I was left on my own to wander around searching for the waiting room.

I followed the sounds of sober silence and blaring news channels to an area of pastel couches. I settled down and reached for a magazine, hoping People might be able to distract me from whatever was going on with my baby sister.

Piper

I practically ran into the emergency room, Phoebe clutching my hand and trailing two steps behind me. I spotted Prue in the waiting room, trying to distract herself with a magazine.

"Prue!" Phoebe shouted as she dropped my hand and ran ahead.

Prue looked up and shook her head. "I don't know anything yet. We just have to wait."

"Wait?" I repeated.

"Yes, Piper, wait. Have a seat," Prue said, patting the seat beside her. "Read about how Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's marriage is falling apart."

Phoebe scowled and took a seat, grabbing the magazine from Prue's hand. "Trash," she muttered.

"How are you so calm?" I asked suspiciously.

"I don't know," Prue replied, setting the magazine to the side. "I really don't. But I know deep down that Paige is okay…She has to be okay."

This statement was so unlike Prue, that I could hardly believe it as the words left Prue's mouth. I'm not sure Prue believed them either. I reached across Phoebe's lap and squeezed one of Prue's hands. "She'll be okay," Prue repeated softly.


	12. Chapter 12

Piper

"Paige Halliwell's family?" Asked a doctor in green scrubs, a white coat, with a stethoscope draped around his neck and a clipboard clutched in his hands. Prue, Phoebe, and I stood up rapidly and crossed the emergency room to where the doctor was standing. "Are you Paige Halliwell's family?" The balding doctor looked skeptical.

"Her sisters," Prue confirmed.

"Is there anyone else we should wait for? Husband? Parents?"

A look of grief passed quickly over Phoebe's face. I squeezed her hand lightly. "No," Prue shook her head. "We're all she has."

"Okay, then." The doctor shuffled his papers. "Let's begin. Miss Halliwell had a seizure because her electrolytes are out of balance. Usually the answer to why electrolytes are out of balance is simple and on the surface, and can be corrected with only minor treatment and lifestyle changes." The three older Halliwell sisters breathed in a collective sigh of relief. "Has she had any dietary changes or an increase in exercise? Any illnesses that you might be aware of?"

I shook my head immediately but Phoebe quickly butted in. "Actually she has had some, uh, dietary changes. She's been eating less lately and probably working out more, too."

"Okay, I am going to ask you all to keep an eye on her and make sure she's getting all her nutrients. Maybe she can stay with one of you for a few weeks?"

We just nodded, not bothering to inform the doctor that we all already lived together anyway. For some reason many people give us weird looks when they heard this.

"And I am going to keep her overnight, just in case. She's got some intravenous fluids going, but other than that she should appear pretty normal. I will admit she is a little pale though."

"That's just Paige," Prue said. "White as a ghost."

"Can we see her now?" Phoebe asked eagerly.

"I don't see why not. I don't know if she's awake right now, but I don't see any harm in checking."

The doctor led us down the hall to room 266 and held the door open for Prue, Phoebe, and I. "Thank you, doctor," Prue said.

"I'll leave you all alone now." The doctor shut the door softly behind himself.

"Hi Missy Paige," I said softly as I approached Paige's bed and reached out to stroke her hair.

Paige leaned her head into my hand. "Hey, Piper," she whispered.

"Hey, sweetie," I replied.

"You gave us quite a scare there, Paige," Prue said, joining me at the head of the bed.

"Sorry." Paige looked so pitiful covered in the waffle weave white blankets that were standard issue at San Francisco Memorial. She looked just like she did in her childhood. Small and innocent. I wish I could have kept it that way.


	13. Chapter 13

Paige

I looked up at Piper with exhaustion. "Can I go home yet?" I asked.

"No," Prue replied as gently as possible. "The doctor wants you to stay for the rest of the night, honey. But we should be able to take you home first thing in the morning."

I sighed and could feel my lip trembling just slightly. "Please?" I whimpered pathetically. I hated hospitals. They reeked of death and dying.

Prue shook her head. "Paige, he said you had to wait. I know you don't like it here, but we're trying to keep you safe."

I turned to Phoebe. "Please?" I repeated to her. She almost always let me have what I wanted.

"I'm sorry, honey," Phoebe replied. "but Prue is right."

I crossed my arms and pouted. I knew that I was acting like a little kid, but at that moment, I just couldn't make myself care.

Right then, the doctor entered the room. "Okay, Miss Halliwell, I assume your family has told you the plan." I nodded reluctantly. The doctor eyed me carefully and noticed my discomfort. "If you'd like, one of your sisters may stay with you tonight."

"See, Paigie, it won't be that bad," Phoebe assured me. "It will be almost like one of our slumber parties."

"Who do you want to stay with you?" Piper asked.

I always hated decisions like this. I'm always afraid of hurting someone's feelings by not choosing them. Phoebe reached over and squeezed my hand. As if she could read my mind, she said, "Don't worry about who you choose. Nobody is going to be mad at you."

I gave her a grateful smile. I loved Phoebe and Piper, and they were great at comforting me, but I needed someone strong with me right now. I needed more than just a little comfort. "Prue?" I asked.

"Of course, honey," she replied.

The doctor nodded. "That will be fine. Nurses will come in to check on you throughout the night." He checked his wristwatch and then looked up at the two middle sisters. "Ten more minutes," he told them.

"Man, his bedside manner could really use some work," Phoebe commented.

Piper just snorted in response.


	14. Chapter 14

Prue

The hospital was quiet, or at least as quiet as a hospital could be. The only sound at the moment was the steady beeping of Paige's monitors and the slow rise and fall of her quiet, deep breathing. I found both sounds unbelievably comforting. They were a small sign that the little sister I was so desperately afraid of losing was still alive.

The door to Paige's room swung open less than discreetly. A middle-aged woman clad in salmon-colored scrubs strode into the room. She smiled gently at me as she went about taking Paige's vitals. In an effort not to disturb Paige's sleep, the nurse had left the lights off and was fumbling around in the near darkness for the blood pressure cuff. Paige awoke suddenly, startled by the strange woman beside her. "Prue?" she cried out, looking around the room for me frantically. "Prue!"

I stood up quickly. "Shh, shh, I'm right here, honey," I soothed, stroking her right arm. Paige let out a relieved breath but still eyed the nurse cautiously.

"Don't mind me, sweetheart," the nurse said as she went about doing her job. "I'm just checking in to make sure you're doing okay."

Paige was still in a world of sleepy confusion and did not seem to be taking the unknown woman's words to heart. She reached for me subconsciously, so I slipped into the hospital bed beside her. Paige snuggled into my chest.

I had an instant flashback to Paige's tenth Christmas. I had just turned nineteen and was home on Christmas holiday break. It was the first time I had slept at home since I had started my freshman year of college. Christmas Eve rolled around and I woke up to crying, a sound that is not generally expected on that particular holiday. And certainly not from our little Paige. She loved that holiday. But Paige was crying, and I went into her and Phoebe's room, scooped her into my arms, and just held her. It was a nightmare, of course. She never told me what it was about and I never asked. I know now that it was probably about Victor. And it probably wasn't even a nightmare at all. It was probably her reliving something that had already happened. God, I wish I had known.

Paige interrupts my thoughts with a small whimper. I shift her in my arms. "What's wrong, honey? Does something hurt?"

Paige shakes her head. "I just want to go home." She sounds like a little girl again.

"I know, Paige. As soon as the doctor tells us it's okay, I'll take you home."

She seems satisfied and her tired eyes flutter shut, leaving me alone again with my thoughts.


	15. Chapter 15

Paige

I wake up to the sunshine coming through the glass panes of the windows. Of course they wouldn't have curtains in my hospital room. All I want to do is go back to sleep. My head is pounding and I'm exhausted. I try to squeeze my eyes shut and go back to sleep, but I fail. Suddenly I realize that my pillow is moving just slightly. And then I realize that it's not my pillow. It's Prue.

I sit up a little too quickly and she wakes up. Her eyes flutter open and she's looking down at me the same way she did when I was a little kid. That is on the days I wasn't driving her crazy. "Sorry," I apologize, feeling guilty for waking her up when I know she probably didn't get a lot of sleep. But now I'm wondering if she even needs to sleep. I mean, she is dead, isn't she?

I guess Prue spots the quizzical look on my face, because the next thing I know, she's saying, "yes."

"Huh?" I ask. I didn't think I'd spoken aloud. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"I've known you since the day you were born, Paige. Believe me, I know all about you and I know what you're thinking. And yes, I think I must have to sleep, because I sure was tired."

"Sorry," I apologize again.

"Don't be silly, Paige." She pets my hair. "You don't have to be sorry for everything. Things aren't always your fault. Stop apologizing. There's nothing to be sorry for."

"But-" I begin.

"But nothing." She shakes her head at me. "This is not your fault, Paige. I will keep telling you that until the day I die." She pauses after she realizes what she just said. "Okay, so I'll keep telling you even after I die. Listen, sweetie. If you weren't sick, if this wasn't going on right now, do you think the Elders really would have just let me come down to schmooze? No, everything happens for a reason, Paige, even this. If this wasn't happening, I wouldn't get to see you all again."

I nod and hope she accepts that response as agreement. Really, I don't agree with anything she just said, but I don't feel like telling her that right now. She'll make it into this whole big psychoanalysis session, and believe me, I get enough of that with Phoebe. This conversation is so typical of Prue and I that it's almost funny. I've said maybe three words and Prue has somehow managed to launch into wordy problem-solving mode. But all of us, including Piper and Phoebe, fit perfectly together like puzzle pieces and that never changes. Of course, neither do we.

"What are you thinking about?" Prue asks, giving me a playful poke in the ribs.

"I thought you knew me so well that you always knew what I was thinking."

Prue smirked and gave me a light smack on the arm. "Smart ass."

I shrugged. Piper and Phoebe took that moment to grace us with their presence. Phoebe stopped short and turned to Piper as soon as they entered. "Turn around, Piper. I think we're in the wrong room—that girl is awake at 8 am. Our little sister would never be awake that early."

"Cute, Phoebe," I reply while Prue and Piper just chuckle at us. It's funny because we all know it's true. It's very rare for me to be up in the mornings, and even when I'm out of bed, it doesn't mean I'm wide awake. I'm just not a morning person. Prue, on the other hand, is always the first person up in the morning, even though she is also usually the last one to bed. Like I said, we don't change.

Phoebe

Only a tiny bit of me is actually surprised when I walk into the hospital room and find both Prue and Paige awake in bed. I remember when I was in the car accident with Prue and got stuck in the hospital for two weeks. I couldn't sleep at all. There were too many damn noises—People in the halls, beeping monitors, and nurses coming in and out. Even Paige wouldn't have slept well. But I make a smart-ass comment anyway, because, hey, it's me. And we have to keep our lives lighthearted somehow.

Paige looks like she'd rather be anywhere but here, and who can blame her? Piper notices too and speaks up. "We'll be out of here really soon."

Paige sighs. "I hope so, I want to go home."

I walk over to her and pat her hand. "As soon as the doctor gives us the go ahead, we'll get you right back home so you can relax in your own bed."

Of course, the doctor had excellent timing and chose to enter the room right at that moment. "Ah, Ms. Halliwell," he said. "I see your family is already here. I have some discharge instructions. I'll explain the instructions, but who should I give the copy to?"

As I was standing closest to him, I reached for the pale yellow paper and prepared to read along as he explained.

"Okay, Ms. Halliwell. We are discharging you with strict instructions to get some rest. Get plenty of fluids. Avoid soda, but you can have water and juice. I'm also going to give you a prescription for some strong vitamins. You can fill that at the pharmacy downstairs. And finally, if you have any more symptoms, such as dizziness, you should come back here immediately. Any questions?"

I glanced around the room at my sisters and found that our need for information had been satisfied. I spoke up. "Thank you, doctor. I think we understand."

He exited and I saw Piper hand over a bag of clothes for Paige to change into. "Phoebe and I will go fill out your discharge papers while you get dressed," she said.

I nodded in agreement and followed Piper out into the hallway towards the nurses' station. "I'm going to make some chicken soup," Piper informed me matter-of-factly. "Paige will at least eat some broth, don't you think?"

I shrugged. "It's worth a shot." Anything was worth trying at this point. Paige desperately needed nutrition in her tiny little body, and anything we could get her to eat was worth trying.


	16. Chapter 16

Paige

I pressed my nose against the cool glass of the window and watched the scenery whiz by. I could almost feel my sisters' eyes on me. Except Piper's, who I knew were focused on the road ahead. With the exception of a brief period after Prue died, Piper was a very cautious driver.

Sighing, I pulled my face away from the glass and replaced it with my hands. I remember as a kid I used to get into trouble with Prue and Grams all the time for leaving fingerprints on the windows. Right now I think everyone is so distracted they aren't even paying attention to the fact that I'm doing it. I know I can get away with it. I get away with a lot of things.

Prue

I know that she was going to leave fingerprints on the windows. But it wasn't something a little Windex and a rag couldn't clean off. Right now Paige's emotional stability was worth far more than the three minutes it would take to wipe off the car windows. I would let it slide. Not because I pitied Paige but because I cared about her.

Phoebe

My eyes kept flicking back and forth between Paige, who was sitting on the other side f the backseat, and my own window. I didn't want Paige to feel like we were staring her. Well, Prue was staring at her and there was no way to hide that. But I didn't want her to feel like I was staring at her. I just wanted reassurance that she was still there, that we really were taking her home. I wanted to remember everything about her just in case we didn't win this fight.

I hated myself for thinking like that but I couldn't help it. I knew Paige was playing with fire here. People die from this disease all of the time. And if that happens, I can't bear the thought of Paige being gone forever. I want that familiar feeling in my chest when someone laughs the way she does—fingers in front of her mouth. Or when I smell a whiff of her body spray as someone walks by. I need those things to stay. Those seconds of familiarity were the only comfort that kept me sane from my grief after Prue's death.

Piper

Most of the time I don't mind silence, but the current silence in the car was thick with unspoken words. Grams always told us that cars were wonderful places for conversations—nobody could escape. I don't know why this philosophy had to go to the grave with her.

I wanted to speak, to understand, to do anything to make this better but I just couldn't find the right words to say.


End file.
